Respond, Not React... Dealing with Bullies and Negativity

By Lizzy O. - 2:20 PM

Hello World!

In my bid not to make today's post just about what I'm wearing and where it's from... I have decided to share something that's on my mind with you all. The title already gives you a peek at what this post will be about, but before I get into it... let's rewind.



As most of you know by now, your girl is now a mom! My daughter is six months old and I am just in awe of all the milestones she has reached and continues to strive towards. 
With the excitement of having my girl, I was determined to exclusively breastfeed her for as long as I can - but ultimately for up to six months. By God's grace, my milk came in on time after birth and I managed to exclusively breastfeed her as I desired till she turned six months. 

Was it hard? Yes. Would I do it again? Maybe... 

Breastfeeding is a full time job and I managed to share my journey with you all on my youtube channel. 
Now, you're probably wondering why I am telling you all of this. 

Recently, I have been getting a lot of comments about my weight gain after having my baby and I honestly agree with people that I have gained some weight... duh you thought I was delusional and don't see myself in the mirror?... 
However, there is no reason whatsoever why anyone should feel bold enough to mention it to me especially in a rude manner. 

Is breastfeeding the cause for my weight gain and am I laying up reasons for why I'm now thicker than a snicker bar? Nah Bih... This isn't a story to defend my weight gain. 

I am writing this tuh-day because I would like to use my platform to address people (both online and in person), who think it's OK to tell ANYBODY anything about their weight gain or loss

 If you are new around here, you probably won't know that I am the wrong one to come for when what you're serving has to do with negativity. I have been through too much in life to let words affect my well-being, however, I am still going to talk about this issue because I have the platform to do so.

My first reaction to rude comments is to ignore them, block them, or once in a while reply them with the respect they lack and show them kindness. 

I was chatting about this issue with my friend IBK of 10MinuteFinancialGuide, and she brought up some valid points I just have to share with you all. 
She pointed out that while I have the mental capacity to "waka pass" and ignore rude comments regarding my weight (or my life as a wheelchair user), some people don't have that same "energy" and so I need to speak up for those people! 

I will never understand what some people gain by bringing others down or by pointing out things to others that you know might affect them negatively. 
Since you're not psychic and can't possibly tell how somebody will receive your comment, here are three key points to guide you. 

1. This is the safest option... just don't say anything. Seriously, you won't die if you don't let people know "exactly what you think about them".

2: Ask yourself: Do I mind if others see/hear that I said this? I know some people are ruthless and really don't care about their reputation, but I want to remind you that your words and actions can come back to haunt you.

3: Ask yourself: What is the damage this could cause? Will this person be OK after you tell them what is on your mind? Would your words affect their well being? Have they done everything within their power about this issue? Do you know what damage your words could cause to some people? Are you alright with knowing that somebody could commit suicide based on something you say to them?


All these being said, I am of the notion that the people who actually need this message hardly ever see it because they're too busy with their toxic self and their negativity usually consumes them, so I just want to use the remainder of this post to address anybody who might be affected by people's words or their actions. 

I know it's hard to "ignore" mean/rude/negative comments, but practice makes perfect and you can rise above whatever is being said to you that affects your mood or energy. Sometimes you will have to speak up for yourself and that is OK as long as you are not letting the negative comments consume you. 

I have generally decided to live a life that is guided by this quote from Warren Buffet. 

"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass".

 This quote shapes the way I respond to situations around me. I have also come to learn to respond and not react to situations, people, and words. I shared this on my instagram page and somebody asked me what the difference between responding and reacting was. 

Well, I personally believe that the need to be defensive is what differentiates one from the other. Reacting often comes with the energy of defending oneself while responding tackles the subject at hand often in a calm and collective manner without the need to be right or feel like defending yourself/your point.

This works for me even though I'm still a work in progress. 


Generally, I wish we can just get rid of all bullies and change the minds of people who want to spew negativity everywhere... but... we all know that these people will still keep being amongst us, and so we just need to guard and protect ourselves from them. 

Share with me in the comment section below, how do you deal with negativity? 




That's it for now. 
My dress is from Curvaceous boutique  and you can get a discount if you use the code: TheDIYLady. 

Till Later, God bless. 

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10 comments

  1. I agree with you 100% but one thing I 've learnt is that sometimes it's really good to call these people out! The world is the way it is because we are quiet about too much. We want to be quiet and let things pass but the truth is maybe if everyone had been speaking up We wouldn't be where we are. React not respond but let your response be to tell these people that they are wrong and you can express yourself however you see fit because they didn't hesitate to tell you how they felt!

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    1. This is so me. I will call you out and i wount care same way you didnt care about me

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  2. Love love love this! I am a firm believer in the quote "if you don't have anything good to say, just keep quiet". Words can be sharper than two edged sword and can never be taken away once said.
    Definatly picked one or two things on how to respond and will be putting them into practice!

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    1. I'm glad you were able to pick up something from this post. Thanks a bunch for visiting

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  3. I totally agree with you it's really annoying to tell people about their weight cos they know and av mirror in their house...i have been there I'm just a size 12 but d negativity is too much to an extent dat someone told me not to be on her train cos I'm fat LMAO just a size 12 oo... For me I just ignore but when it's out of hand I respond cos I'm human...please eat well and take care of yourself and your baby..exclusive breastfeeding for 6 months? You really tried welldone 💪

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  4. I swear people in this social media world are rude...smh #peoleshouldlearntomindtheirbusiness
    Drink water and mind your business simple...

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  5. Honestly why are people like this?������. African people do this every time. They talk out of ignorance. I remember that two months after I had my second miscarriage that someone came to me and said “it seems you are getting FATTER..” she even stayed for an answer.. that statement crushed me. I just opened my mouth and said...oooohhhhkkk. I’m always surprised at people’s boldness. You don’t know what people are going through for God’s sake. I witnessed an old grandma telling someone “you still never lose weight..” like seriously, who does that? Why is it okay? As much as it hurts, please ignore them and don’t let it get to you. Remember these bullies are unhappy miserable cowards that just wanted some attention.

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    1. Amen sis!! Thank you so much for this comment!

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  6. GIRL u look amazing don't let anyone tell u otherwise!!
    This is the problem i have with ppl here as well ppl like to give unsolicited advice and rude opinions to your face instead of keeping it to themselves like tbh is it that hard to hold their tongue? do they think their opinions matter mschewwww

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    1. This will forever be the question I have. Like how hard is it for them to just not say anything at all??? Ugh. But we must rise above

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