Respond, Not React... Dealing with Bullies and Negativity

Hello World!

In my bid not to make today's post just about what I'm wearing and where it's from... I have decided to share something that's on my mind with you all. The title already gives you a peek at what this post will be about, but before I get into it... let's rewind.

As most of you know by now, your girl is now a mom! My daughter is six months old and I am just in awe of all the milestones she has reached and continues to strive towards. 

With the excitement of having my girl, I was determined to exclusively breastfeed her for as long as I can - but ultimately for up to six months. By God's grace, my milk came in on time after birth and I managed to exclusively breastfeed her as I desired till she turned six months. 

Was it hard? Yes. Would I do it again? Maybe... 

Breastfeeding is a full time job and I managed to share my journey with you all on my youtube channel. 

Now, you're probably wondering why I am telling you all of this. 

Recently, I have been getting a lot of comments about my weight gain after having my baby and I honestly agree with people that I have gained some weight... duh you thought I was delusional and don't see myself in the mirror?... 

However, there is no reason whatsoever why anyone should feel bold enough to mention it to me especially in a rude manner. 

Is breastfeeding the cause for my weight gain and am I laying up reasons for why I'm now thicker than a snicker bar? Nah Bih... This isn't a story to defend my weight gain. 

I am writing this tuh-day because I would like to use my platform to address people (both online and in person), who think it's OK to tell ANYBODY anything about their weight gain or loss. 

 If you are new around here, you probably won't know that I am the wrong one to come for when what you're serving has to do with negativity. I have been through too much in life to let words affect my well-being, however, I am still going to talk about this issue because I have the platform to do so.

My first reaction to rude comments is to ignore them, block them, or once in a while reply them with the respect they lack and show them kindness. 

I was chatting about this issue with my friend IBK of 10MinuteFinancialGuide, and she brought up some valid points I just have to share with you all. 

She pointed out that while I have the mental capacity to "waka pass" and ignore rude comments regarding my weight (or my life as a wheelchair user), some people don't have that same "energy" and so I need to speak up for those people! 

I will never understand what some people gain by bringing others down or by pointing out things to others that you know might affect them negatively. 

Since you're not psychic and can't possibly tell how somebody will receive your comment, here are three key points to guide you. 

1. This is the safest option... just don't say anything. Seriously, you won't die if you don't let people know "exactly what you think about them".

2: Ask yourself: Do I mind if others see/hear that I said this? I know some people are ruthless and really don't care about their reputation, but I want to remind you that your words and actions can come back to haunt you.

3: Ask yourself: What is the damage this could cause? Will this person be OK after you tell them what is on your mind? Would your words affect their well being? Have they done everything within their power about this issue? Do you know what damage your words could cause to some people? Are you alright with knowing that somebody could commit suicide based on something you say to them?

All these being said, I am of the notion that the people who actually need this message hardly ever see it because they're too busy with their toxic self and their negativity usually consumes them, so I just want to use the remainder of this post to address anybody who might be affected by people's words or their actions. 

I know it's hard to "ignore" mean/rude/negative comments, but practice makes perfect and you can rise above whatever is being said to you that affects your mood or energy. Sometimes you will have to speak up for yourself and that is OK as long as you are not letting the negative comments consume you. 

I have generally decided to live a life that is guided by this quote from Warren Buffet. 

"You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass".

 This quote shapes the way I respond to situations around me. I have also come to learn to respond and not react to situations, people, and words. I shared this on my instagram page and somebody asked me what the difference between responding and reacting was. 

Well, I personally believe that the need to be defensive is what differentiates one from the other. Reacting often comes with the energy of defending oneself while responding tackles the subject at hand often in a calm and collective manner without the need to be right or feel like defending yourself/your point.

This works for me even though I'm still a work in progress. 

Generally, I wish we can just get rid of all bullies and change the minds of people who want to spew negativity everywhere... but... we all know that these people will still keep being amongst us, and so we just need to guard and protect ourselves from them. 

Share with me in the comment section below, how do you deal with negativity? 

That's it for now. 

My dress is from Curvaceous boutique  and you can get a discount if you use the code: TheDIYLady. 

Till Later, God bless.